so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
