That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
