He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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