why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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