hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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