i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
