you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
