I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
