True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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