i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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