can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
