I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
