I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
