i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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