Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
