I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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