Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
