Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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