i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize