Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
