Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
