Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
