At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
