Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
