a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
