hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize