I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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