finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize