he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
