Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
