Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
