I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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