would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
