but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
