so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
