Are we in a gay sports bar?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize