I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The uberlube is also flammable
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
