My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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