I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
