Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
