Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
