Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
