we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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