i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
