The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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