i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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