we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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