he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
