Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
