; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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