i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
