Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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