If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
