listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
