I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize