dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
