his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
