Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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