He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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