I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
