Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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