please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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