Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
