If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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