I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
