just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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