No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
