yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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