but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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