your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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