question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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