why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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