burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
