Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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