Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
