My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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