please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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