How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
