did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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