Im at strip club and am horny
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
