I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
