You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
