Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
