if i can run in heels then i can drive
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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