he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
