Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
