i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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