dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
