Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
