Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
