I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
