my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
