Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
