every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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