She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
