it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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