put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
