Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
