ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Be still, my beating vagina.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
