ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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